“Can I Buy You a Drink?”: The Lost Art of Face-to-Face Flirtation

These days a significant portion of romantic interaction happens through some form of technology. Whether it’s texting, emailing or online dating, most conversations in the beginning stages of a modern relationship take place away from the other person. So what is a guy to do when he sees a gorgeous woman he is attracted to and wants to talk to? Face-to-face interactions don’t allow for the preparation of smoothly worded innuendo and emoticons. Knowing how to conduct yourself during flirtatious social interactions means the difference between getting her attention and brutal rejection.

1. Look Presentable

When you are headed out for a night on the town, you should be prepared. Look nice. You don’t have to have a sculpted body or chiseled facial features to peak the interest of the opposite sex. Basic hygiene and simple style will make it more comfortable for her to have a conversation with you. How you look is the first thing she will notice. Designer clothes and expensive accessories are not necessary to make a good first impression. Just be aware of your physical strengths and play to them.

2. Engage Her in a Conversation

The important thing that you should always keep in mind when approaching someone is to be mindful and aware of the situation. If she is sitting alone at a bar, then approaching her is fairly straight forward. You simply walk up to her and attempt to spark up a conversation. Trying to get the attention of a woman who is with a group of people is more complicated. You have to make sure that you aren’t being an inconvenience or an annoyance. If she seems preoccupied with other people, wait until she is available to approach her. If you can’t find an available opportunity to talk to her, walk up to her and tell her you are interested and hand her your phone number. Be assertive but not aggressive. Chances are if she is attractive enough to catch your attention, she has been pursued by other people. Stand out as being someone who is confidently interested in her but respects that she is busy.

3. Compliment Her

When you are able to strike up a flirtatious exchange, be sure and let her know why she caught your attention. Everyone knows that compliments are an easy ice-breaker. Finding the appropriate compliment for the situation can be a little more challenging than you might think. Women vary in their reception of physical compliments. Some women are flattered, while others feel objectified. Try complimenting her hair, eyes or clothing. She will understand that you are attracted to her without feeling insulted. If she responds positively then continue by introducing yourself and asking her questions about herself. Then from there, you can gauge what she may or may not be receptive to based on her reactions during the conversation.

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4. Be Confident

Sheepishly approaching a woman will not grab her attention. She has to feel like you are sure of your interest her. Your confidence communicates that you are worth her time and attention. Speak clearly and make eye contact. Absolutely avoid anything that could read as self-deprecating or insecure. A woman doesn’t want to flirt with a man who needs constant validation or is fishing for compliments. Also, keep in mind that arrogance and self obsession are just as unattractive as desperation. Be sure of yourself without being full of yourself.

5. Know When Enough is Enough

Make sure that your attention to her is being well received before further conveying your attraction to her or continuing your flirtation. Read her body language. Is she avoiding eye contact with you? Is she leaning toward or away from you? Is she smiling? Does her voice have an excited tone or an annoyed tone? Is she giving you short answers to your questions or is she equally contributing to the conversation? Does she seem distracted or is she giving you her attention? Use the information she is giving you and make a decision as to whether or not continuing to pursue her is a good idea. Remember, there are other women out there; if one doesn’t seem all that interested, the best plan is to back off.

Direct social interaction can be frustrating and nerve-wracking. Fear of rejection and awkwardness may have you feeling uneasy about approaching someone when you are out and about. Just remember to relax. Be yourself and let her know that she caught your attention. Chances are she will appreciate the fact that you have the guts to come up to her and tell her what you like about her to her face and not from behind a keyboard. A man who can be charming via text pales in comparison to a man who can be charming while he looks a woman in her eyes.